


Love, Sam

by Lilith_Child



Series: Letters to Lucifer [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Lucifer, Hallucinations, Letters, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:49:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4117573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_Child/pseuds/Lilith_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Gadreel, Sam isn't holding on to reality particularly well. </p><p>He writes.</p><p>(This is a stand-alone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, Sam

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Sorry for how short this one is.

Dear Lucifer,

I’ve missed you. I won’t ask how you are, because I already know. I can feel it - feel you - in my head. I’m sorry. I can guess that you know how I’m doing, too. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I got him out, though. That has to count for something.

There’s another you up here, sometimes. I know that he’s not really you, but sometimes I pretend, where Dean can’t see. Is that bad? I don’t know, I just, I miss you so much that it hurts, all the time. I don’t want Dean to see. He’s got enough to worry about as it is, and he shouldn’t have to deal with my issues. Honestly, Lucifer? I’m scared of him. I’m scared he’s going to kill me. I know he won’t, because he’s already forced an angel into me to bring me back from you. (I could hear you screaming all that time, and that’s what finally clued me in that something was wrong. Thank you so much, I couldn’t breathe with him in thank you.) 

I think Dean really is more like Michael than I know. I just get so scared sometimes, and there are moments when I’m certain his eyes are going to flash black and it will all have been a trick. I sleep with a gun and a knife. If nothing else, they’ll bring me back to you.

I love you,

Sam

-

He sends it with a rouge reaper, and within four long, torturous months, something happens. The Mark suddenly sizzles and burns - freezes - from Dean’s arm when both of them are in the room. The same day, he walks into his room to find a large, slightly singed, golden feather. 

Lucifer is sitting on his bed the way he used to, and he’s not real - Sam knows that he isn't really here - but even though he’s fading, this is a projection. They lie together on the bed, after Sam puts the feather away to keep it safe. 

They whisper stories and fears and I love you’s and I miss you, so much. Lucifer stays the night, and because Sam doesn’t sleep - can't sleep - he can see the exact moment when he fades away. Lucifer goes with a small smile of brave fear on his lips, and Sam reaches out for him, even though he knows that he can’t catch him, can’t keep him here. 

The next morning, Dean is energetic, almost high on the joy of the Mark being gone, but Sam’s quiet and pokes at his food. If either of Dean or Castiel notices - the former unlikely, the latter quite possible - they don’t say anything. 

Sam can mourn in peace.


End file.
